Yesterday Adina wrote about trying to find balance in her life now that she’s a mama. Can I just say “amen!”. Finding balance has always been difficult for me. Prior to having a baby, I was prone to excesses. I run my own business and sometimes I’d throw myself into it so much that I’d forget to enjoy life. Then there would be times that were the opposite. I’d get so involved in things outside of work that my business would suffer. Every once in a while, I would feel like I were achieving a nice balance in my life, and I’d have time for work, for craft, for exercise and housework. The only thing I really did differently during those times was that I forced myself to make time to do the things I loved. And it would seem so easy. It would just seem so easy during those times.
And then I had a baby, and wow, that sure does make it hard to have balance. The house NEEDS to be clean. Babies eat stuff off of the ground, so you can’t not clean house. I have to keep my business running (even though I only work 4 half days a week) because that pesky government really does want their money back. I have to play with my baby cause… well she’s so much fun! and we have to eat, and have clean clothes… on and on and on. Some days it seems like a crap shoot as to if the basics will get done. And then, like Adina mentions, I have started feeling like I’d go insane if I didn’t find time to craft. Ruby won’t sleep unless she’s being worn, held, or laid with. So nap time was out, as was after bed time. Sometimes I can sit up after she’s asleep and I can knit in bed, but sometimes (most of the time) I can’t. I have learned to knit lying on my back with her asleep on my chest, and I can knit when she’s in the front carrier. But lately, I’ve had the itch to sew.
So the other day I sent Ryan for a walk with Ruby and spent a glorious hour making some baby shoes. After the first pair, the rest seem easy… so I added a little applique t-shirt into the mix ((this is some wardrobe refashioning, as I took some onesies that were too short and turned them into t-shirts!)). All of the fabric was left overs from previous projects, or just stuff from my scrap pile. And how good it feels to craft! This morning, I sewed a pair of shoes while she slept in the carrier on my chest. Mama is learning how to multitask like a madwoman. Having the time to craft a little makes me feel human again. It’s a step toward achieving balance, but of course, the breakfast dishes were in the sink when I left for work… so it’s a give and take situation.
So, one big thing that came up for me regarding balance today… yesterday I left my computer charger at the office, and by the time I went to put ruby down for sleep last night, my laptop was dead. I usually get her to sleep then chat with friends online (and knit if I’m lucky) while she lies next to me. Last night I had no such option, so I ended up rocking her to sleep then feeling sleepy and going to bed at 9:45 with her. It felt fantastic to go to sleep so early, although I knew I would be missing my only hour or so to knit yesterday. This morning, computer still dead, and I wasn’t going into the office till 1:30. I realized just how much more I could get done without my laptop on all day. I made a shirt/shoe combo, watered the yard, walked, swung on the swing with Ruby… and honestly I felt more attentive to her. It’s usually running in the background as we do things, and I keep connected to others throughout the day that way. But now I’m feeling like a change is in order. I think its time to only connect a couple of specific times a day, and spend more of my day in the here and now. Part of me feels like a crap mom for just now noticing this when she’s 10 months old, and part of me knows that it’s ok, because it’s how I keep connected to all of my friends throughout the day, and that’s important for balance also. If I didn’t I’d feel isolated and lonely, and that’s not good for a mama.
So… we go on, a little to the left, a little to the right, just trying to keep balance.
